


Reflections

by redheadthunderhead



Series: We're in This Til the End [3]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-24
Updated: 2016-03-24
Packaged: 2018-05-28 19:32:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6342205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redheadthunderhead/pseuds/redheadthunderhead
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard is sleep deprived and thinking about the past. Fortunately Garrus is there to yell at her to go to sleep, but in the middle of the war sleep tends to be interrupted.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Reflections

**Author's Note:**

> I've cried over these two so many times its time for something cute to help. 
> 
> I wrote this over several nights and finished it at 5am so I take full blame for any mistakes or obvious points where I just totally forgot I was writing.

“Shepard, why are you still awake?”

The Commander was, at least, drifting in and out of a dazed state as she stared blankly toward the fish tank along one wall of the cabin. A soft hum was her only response from where she was curled up on the end of the couch, head resting on the arm and the rest of her body curled up in a tight ball that barely took up any room. She could fall asleep at any moment, but something prevented it. It was strange, to say the least, they had had a busy day, and Shepard had been complaining about how tired she was the very moment she was out of range of the crew. If there was one downside to her cabin’s new location, it was not being able to hear the ship’s engine as well. On the SR-1 she could have fallen asleep in seconds to the sound of the engine.

“I was asleep for a few minutes,” Shepard finally answered, voice heavy with sleep. She did not move much, besides shifting around a little to try and get more comfortable. Her gaze finally tore away from the empty fish tank when she registered that Garrus was standing in her field of view. Didn’t she lock the door? Not that it mattered, her crew always seemed to find a way in. She could not complain about Garrus, though, she did tell him he was welcome up here at any time.

“You could at least get in bed,” Garrus offered, still standing and watching her with an expression Shepard could not quite place. Damn turians.

“Hm. Is that an invitation, Vakarian?” 

“No, its your boyfriend telling you that you need some sleep. Now go.”

“Hey, hey, who’s the Commander around here,” she protested, gently batting at his arm as he approached to pull her off the couch. “No, I’m comfortable here,” she said in a tone that clearly, if unintentionally, sounded whiny.

“Are you whining? Commander Shepard, saviour of the Citadel, destroyer of Collectors, whining like a child?” 

“Me? Never,” she answered with a snort. “You get special treatment. You get to see what the the Commander is like when she isn't out saving the galaxy. You signed up for this by confessing your love to me, remember?” 

"I've seen that before and I get worried. When you aren't distracted by saving the galaxy you act...different."

"How so?" Shepard asked, sitting up and groaning a bit too loudly as she stretched. Okay, maybe she had not been as comfortable as she thought. 

"You've changed, Shepard. The confidence you had when we first met is almost gone. You aren't rushing into things like you used to. You're more careful, and you are even more worried about the crew, if that were possible.” At Shepard’s inquisitive look, he added, “I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. In fact, it’s a good thing you’re finally starting to think before you act. I’m saying that the change was so sudden, you’ve got the entire crew worried. You’ve even been patient with the diplomats. That’s a side of you I never thought I’d see.”

"I'm sorry?” She forced a laugh to hide whatever other emotion she felt at that, then shook her head. “Garrus, I'm just...I'm scared. I'm worried about Earth. Hell, I'm worried about the whole galaxy. If the council had just listened to me all those years ago, we wouldn't be in this position. We'd have been able to push them back. We would have been ready. If I hadn't been dead for two years, maybe things wouldn't be the way they were. It was...hard leaving Earth. When we left on the Normandy, Anderson stayed behind and I argued with him. I was furious. I wasn't born on Earth, but it's still home, I wanted to help defend it."

"I'm surprised he managed to get you to leave." 

"He reinstated me right then and there. Threw me my tags as I stood waiting for him and told me to get my ass moving. That sort of woke me up, but I don't think I truly felt that there was any hope until we met up with Liara and she found the plans for the Crucible. Then we saw Palaven, and I knew that Earth wasn't the only target, but seeing it for myself and the seeing you again... it feels like I can take on anything with you at my side."

"Please don't go punching reapers without me," Garrus said, earning a snort from Shepard.

"Let's start with something smaller. Find the Illusive Man and send his ass into that damn star." 

"That seems like a good enough thanks for bringing you back." 

Shepard laughed again, but not like she normally would. It sounded bitter, cold even.

“Yeah. He must be disappointed, spending all those credits to find me and bring me back to fight for him and now I’m fighting against him.” She shook her head. “Maybe they should have put that chip in my brain.”

“What?”

“Oh, uh...” Dammit, why did she mention that? “Miranda told me that she wanted to plant a control chip in my brain. I guess the Illusive Man told her not too, that he wanted me to be...me. Wanted people to know me the same way, wanted you guys to trust me.” She stretched again, yawning, then patted the spot on the couch next to her. “Why are you standing up still? Get over here.”

“How about you get in bed?” Garrus responded, but complied, knowing he was fighting a losing battle with the most stubborn human in the galaxy. If Commander Shepard did not want to sleep, it took more than just a request. Shepard smiled as she curled up against the turians side, and gave an appreciative hum as he started playing with her hair. “You said you got some sleep already. How much?”

“I’m an adult, I know what my limits are,” she teased. “Doesn’t mean I always take them into account.”

“Answer the question, Shepard,” Garrus warned. Shepard felt the hand that was previously in her hair slide down to rest just above her hip, and she would have been purring had she been capable of doing so. She let herself relax against him even further. Turians may be bony as hell, but Shepard was still more comfortable now than she was moments ago.

“I don’t know, how long, but I do know I’ve been sitting here for so long that I’ve lost feeling in the entire right side of my body,” the expression on Shepard’s face emphasised her point as she grumbled uncomfortably. “My body either hurts or tingles, take your pick. I took a hell of a beating on Omega.”

“Seriously, do you need help getting up?”

“No, no, I’m fine. Just...give me a minute,” she waved him off. “So warm.”

“You’re freezing.” 

“Says the one with the higher body temperature.”

“Says the one who takes the turian to some of the coldest planets in the galaxy.”

“Mm.” Not much she could say to that.

“So, what exactly happened on Omega?”

“Aria happened, that’s what,” she mumbled. “Well, Cerberus happened, then Aria happened. Cerberus took over Omega, and honestly I wanted to get her off of the Citadel, both for the safety of the people there and because if she complains about it one more time….”

“But you agree,” Garrus pointed out.

“What, with her opinion of the Citadel? Yeah, but she’s dangerous.”

“And you aren’t?” That earned him a very uncoordinated slap in the arm that may have ended up closer to his face. She was not looking.

“I’ve been busting my ass trying to save the galaxy. I saved the Citadel, died, came back more pissed off than ever, dragged you all into a suicide mission and got everyone out alive, and now I'm in the middle of bringing every race in the galaxy together to save it," she tried to sound angry, but tripped over some of her words as her mind was foggy from her exhaustion. When she looked up at Garrus, she was reminded yet again how hard it was to read turian body language. She was getting better, though. He wasn’t sure if that was an argument or an agreement. "Plus Archangel's my boyfriend, so yeah, I'm guess dangerous."

"Mm, maybe not dangerous. Crazy seems to be the more fitting word here."

"Omega is a shithole, by the way. I can't believe you ended up there."

"I was trying to do something about it."

"Garrus, I don't even think Aria will even be able to get things back to anything normal for a long time." Shepard shook her head, wanting the vision of Omega and every experience she ever had while she was there gone. Unfortunately, thinking about it only brought up more. "I still remember the day I found you again. If I hadn't been there you would have-"

"You were there, Shepard. That’s what matters.”

"What if I wasn't? I was there to track down Mordin, but I kept hearing the name Archangel and about how he had every mercenary group in Omega on his ass, so I got curious. Had to shove my gun in a batarian's face to even get to where you were."

"I don't doubt that."

"Garrus, you could have died. I already...I didn't know where you were. I didn't know where any of the crew was. You all thought I was dead, and I knew the Illusive Man was keeping me from you. I didn't want his new crew, I wanted mine. You and Liara and Tali....everyone. People I knew I could trust."

"You seemed to have gotten along with the crew Cerberus gave you well enough. Other than the actual Cerberus people."

“Nothing beats you guys, though.”

“Yeah, I think you cried when we met up with Tali.”

"Yeah, I did with Liara too," she tried to laugh it off. "Earth must have really messed me up. The reapers are everywhere, and I never know when they'll take someone from me."

“Just remember, with you here, the reapers can’t take down you, me, or any of the crew. You’ve taken us through hell more than once, and we’re damn proud to stand with you.”

Shepard definitely did not have tears threatening to show after that remark. She took a slow breath, eyes closed as she focused on keeping the shaking out of her breath. “I couldn’t have done this without all of you. You, specifically, Garrus. You’ve been my best friend through all of this, you’ve always been here for me. Now, if I could get you to stop your damn calibrations and pay attention to me whenever I want you to…”

“Hey, someone has to fix what the Alliance engineers messed up." 

Shepard snorted and wiggled around to press a kiss to the scarred side of his face. "You're good at it, I'm sure it can't take that long. Nobody will know you're missing for a few hours." 

"EDI will notice. She's everywhere."

"EDI doesn't spy on us, Garrus. Besides, if you're that worried I'm sure we can find somewhere else to spend our free time." Shepard yawned again, but made no move to get up in favor of moving closer to the turian.

"Chakwas is going to kill me if you don't get some sleep."

"She's going to kill me, too," she answered, voice slightly muffled due to being buried in his side. "I think she drugged me the other day."

"I noticed the difference. You didn’t even punch Vega in the face today.”

“Garrus, you weren’t even on the ship then. How do you know about that?”

“The moment we got back on the ship, he told me ‘Your girlfriend punched me in the face the other day. I like her.’” The quote was emphasized with his impersonation of James and earned another laugh from Shepard. Before she could respond, she yawned again. “Alright, Shepard, you’ve had your fun. Now go to sleep.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Shepard.”

“Garrus.”

“Shepard.”

Shepard nearly yelped when Garrus suddenly got up and she lost the support that all of her weight was resting on. She stopped herself from falling over entirely before giving the turian one of her famous glares. “You ass!”

“All I ask is that you get a few hours of sleep.”

“I’ll sleep when I’m dead.”

“Well, it’s my job to make sure that doesn’t happen any time soon.”

Shepard stared up at him for a moment, as if considering, then blinked at him and said, “Carry me.”

“Seriously?”

“I’m not walking, I feel like I- never mind that’s not a good analogy.”

After another moment, Garrus shrugged and scooped her up. The only form of help that Shepard offered was wrapping her arms around his neck and supporting some of her weight during the short walk to the bed. The very un-Shepard like noise that escaped her when she was unceremoniously dropped onto the bed prompted a laugh from Garrus.

“Very graceful, Shepard.”

She quickly scrambled her way under the covers and had her face buried in a pillow. “Mm.”

“Do you need anything?”

Shepard was still for a moment before she turned her head towards him. “Yeah. Can you stay here for a few hours? You probably have more important work to do than that, but just until I’m asleep?” 

“I meant besides that.”

“I need a million credits and to personally punch every reaper in the face,” Shepard answered, situating herself so she was curled up with Garrus once he joined her. 

“How about we start with a new gun?”

“That works.”

“Alright, Shepard. Time to sleep now.”

“Okay.”

It was no more than a few moments after Shepard had finally seemed to relax when Traynor’s voice came over the intercom. “Commander, Admiral Hackett would like to speak with you.”

“You have to be kidding me,” Shepard mumbled. She sat up and swore she felt every bone in her body pop. A nerve in her neck decided to rebel and she hissed in pain, rubbing at the spot for a moment until she regained the ability to move.

“Shepard, I’m sure it can wait.”

“Any other time I may agree with you, but we’re so close to being done. Plus I can’t just ignore the Admiral like I do with the Council...I’ll be right back.” She sat there for a few more moments, debating with herself if getting up was worth the effort. “Alright, I should go,” she announced again, and after another pause she got up and threw some clothes on that at the very least made her look like she was not half-dead. “It shouldn’t take long,” she assured as she crossed the room a final time, approaching Garrus where he was watching from the foot of the bed and pressed a kiss to a mandible before touching their foreheads together. “Please fake an emergency if I’m not back in a reasonable amount of time.”

\--- 

Shepard was, by Garrus’s own standards, not back in a reasonable amount of time. He had enough time to go down to the crew deck, speak with Liara who had actually been out of her room for once, stop by the med bay to ask Chakwas for something to help Shepard sleep, and return to Shepard’s cabin before he received any messages from her that she was coming back up.

He waited a few more minutes, or tried to, before contacting her.

“Shepard, we have, a, uh situation,” he tried over comms. A moment’s pause, as if Shepard was excusing herself.

“What is it?” Shepard’s voice answered, carrying a tone that was her way of emphasizing that she had to play along. She must have not left the comm room. There was another pause as Garrus tried to come up with something convincing.

“Something’s wrong with EDI. Joker can’t find the source from the bridge. He needs you down in the crew deck.” 

“Alright, I’ll be there in a minute,” she answered before cutting off the comm and returning her attention to Hackett. “Sorry, sir. My ship’s...VI is acting up.” Were they even still acting like she was a VI? EDI and Joker had worked very hard to keep he a secret, so it was probably safer to keep up the act. “I’ll get those reports done as soon as I get the time.”

“Of course, Commander. Hackett out.”

Once the vid comm fizzled off, Shepard could not stop a laugh. It was not his worst excuse, but Garrus was normally more creative than that. She shook her head and pushed off of the console and made her way back to her cabin, but not before she snuck down to the crew deck, careful to avoid the medbay in case Chakwas was around, to raid the bar. 

“I was beginning to think you got lost,” Garrus joked when Shepard finally appeared, taking the opportunity to distract her with a kiss and slip the drinks she snuck up and obviously hidden behind her back out of her grasp.

“How did you know?” Shepard asked, and was most definitely not pouting. She made a face as she looked down at the new bottle that was put in her hand. “And what’s this?”

“From Chakwas,” he only half-lied. “And I know enough about humans to tell you that alcohol and pills don’t mix.” 

“Ah, mixing them will just knock me out faster,” Shepard answered with a shrug, taking one of the colorful pills and setting the bottle down with no more objection. Thank god science had managed to make them taste better and easier to swallow over the years. 

“So, what did Hackett need?” Garrus asked once Shepard threw off the extra clothes she was wearing and started making a move for the bed.

“Late reports,” she replied, wiggling her way under the covers and yawning. “I’ll do them later. Come here.”

Garrus snorted and set the confiscated alcohol somewhere out of Shepard’s immediate reach. “Alright, as long as we won’t get interrupted again.”

“EDI, notify me of important messages only. I don’t want anyone waking either of us up for a few hours. Unless the ship is exploding or we are otherwise in danger.”

“The crew has been notified, Shepard.” 

“Thanks.”

\---

Shepard woke up shivering and gasping for air, sitting up and frantically reaching for a pistol that wasn’t there. It took her several moments to come to her senses, to focus on the room, the turian sleeping next to her, and the stars visible through the window above. No, the stars did not help the current situation one bit. She shivered again and reached over to close the shutter.

She took another minute to calm herself before settling back down next to Garrus, who was still asleep. She was thankful for the heat that Turians seemed to radiate as her body slowly warmed back up to the point where she was comfortable, but still shook slightly as she snaked a hand around to rest under Garrus’s fringe, blunt nails applying the slightest bit of pressure. Shepard felt the arm that was protectively wrapped across her waist tighten and she was pulled closer, letting out a breath she did not know she was holding. 

“Mm, Shepard?”

“It’s fine, Garrus, just a bad dream,” she waved off his concern without looking up at him. 

“The child from Earth again?”

“No, uh, just…the crash. When I died. My body likes to remind me of that in vivid detail. Even being completely rebuilt I can still feel the cold, the air rushing out of my lungs, suffocating, floating through space and watching the Normandy fall around me. The burning as I entered the atmosphere and finally…”

“Hey…”

She let out a huff to hide the shakiness her voice probably had now and pulled herself closer to Garrus. “How long did I sleep?”

“A few hours.”

“Not enough?” 

“Try for a few more.”

"You said that before."

"Go to sleep, Shepard."


End file.
